Things said by my hilarious father during Bush’s State of the Union Address bullshit:

“Something wrong with your eye, McCain, you sleazy dog!”

“Barbara Bush is clapping so hard she’s gonna give herself a back ache.”

“Look, Cheney, is coughing! Cough yourself right into a heart attack!”
“You know you hate that liberal bitch you’re sitting next to.”

“That is the largest room of crooks you’ll ever find.” (referring to House of Congress)

“How come you haven’t done that, Georgie? You’ve been there 6 fuckin’ years.”
“Yeah, the check is in the mail and I won’t come in your mouth.”

“Look at me! I’ve bent over and licked his butt cheeks many times.” (referring to still loyal Republicans)

“What a sorry piece of Homeland Security fuck-up you are.” (leader of obvious department)

“This ain’t a democracy. Who the hell are you talking about? Which country are you referring to? It ain’t ours. Enemy? That’s a serious thing to say. Who the hell are you talking about?”

Why is the average American household’s book of choice a Bible and NOT the Declaration of Independence and the Constitution of the United States, or at the very least the Bill of Rights?

And further, even though the Bible is such a common book, who (especially of the devout Christians that seem to have several copies) has actually read the whole ridiculous mess?

Reason being if any one had, they would discover (I think) so much silliness hidden within its 1000 plus pages that it would revolutionize the entire faith-based hegemony of modern day Christianity, namely Christians would not take themselves near as seriously as they do. I discovered several items of worthy note just skimming through the old testament with a friend and peering at a website with lego re-enactment of important Bible passages. My favorite? The one about burying your shit so as not to anger God when he goes walking about the earth. Runner-up? The one about paying the husband/father of a woman some amount of money for any wrong-doing done to her person (implication: that a man’s property has been harmed; that is why money is given to the man/owner in her life). My hasty conclusions are as follows:

1) It is the first and seemingly most comprehensive self-help book out there. It informs one in detail how not to anger god in a multitude of impractical ways, and in essence how to avoid sudden ghastly misfortunes from his wraith. Apparently, god is a rather sensitive supreme being. The Bible truly helps one get along with that omnipotent special someone in any monotheist’s life. Anything from identifying the right clean animals to eat (cloven-footed, cud eaters is apparently the way to go) to how much a man will receive upon the rape of his woman outside city limits is covered written in that odd “old English” grammar no one really buys. The Bible encompasses all aspects of life one could reasonably think of and many one couldn’t rationally concieve involved everyday experience. Like I said comprehensive.

There is no 2. I’m done being sarcastic about this book. It’s just too damn easy. On to more interesting things, like Annika’s choicest academic drivel meat. Did you know that sarcasm is an expression of irony? See understanding irony is rather simple: Irony is when someone means the opposite of what is literally said. So why do we still confuse coincidence with irony? it is those damn dramatists who continue to use situational irony. Situational irony often involves coincidence. This is the important distinction, though: there is an audience involved and the coincidence isn’t really a coincidence at all. It means something; there is a causal connection that only the audience knows about. And it being a drama or whatever is constructed to be meaningful. This is how it is different, especially from everyday experience. So was Alanis right after all? That is still being determined by irony purists and I don’t care anymore now that I’ve said it, soooo…. bye!

love is an industry.

swept by the neon green veins of capital and letters of pre-printed sincerity.

hmm.

missing the light of artful (artifice?) language as usual. what to do? i am dedicating my life to something “worthwhile.”

selavy.

just because we disagree on whether or not the world is going to end … doesn’t mean we can’t still be friends …

you are my antithesis maybe … together … we can form a synthesis …

sign

sigh

i have accepted cliches as a way of life now i guess …

The Role of Criminology and other Curiosities among Contemporary Practitioners of Marxist Theory in these Postmodern Modern Times

everyone needs a motive, even you, oh idealistic left wing liberal. even you.

I just watched the Ballad of Jack and Rose about a disenfranchised political activist who is the last of his 60s commune.

The last scene was most poignant. Jack (the dying activist) confronts the developer on his own turf in his suburban, white picket fence, cookie cutter box house, Jack comes to the conclusion that for all his socialist morals and humanistic ideals, the only difference between the political activist and the developer (or voice of capitalist progress) is a matter of taste, of snobbery. Jack hates suburban houses, the developer thinks they are the epitome of harmony and perfection. The developer characterizes the wetlands Jack is protecting as disordered clusters of land needing improvement and a useful purpose, Jack thinks untouched nature is the true perfect paradise.

I am worried.

( a letter from the tele-marketeers )