so visual literacy in America is sky diving off roof tops with no ropes … so art is cultural and intellectual and aesthetic suicide … so i am deemed crazy in a society where i do not, have never, will never be able to belong … however much i want to be a part everyone, however much i AM this part … this disease, this artistic pornography, i am finding where this is, in my gut, i have to let it decay me, whore myself to the colors and the patterns and twisting logic of contradiction and paradox in this scientific apotheosis, an abnormality, this lie everyone so fervently believes … i never believed, i still do not believe, and at least now i know why this is happening …

i feel so cold …