i now have utter distrust in large institutions, establishments, or anything run at all like a business, as in ham-handed segue (i don’t think i’ve ever had to spell that word out before)  to the private art institute i attend. actually, most educational institutions are quite disastrous and give rise to much false hierarchy that exists in today’s society, just like the ability for everyone to buy a mobile phone, like all the bigwigs nowadays.  i have finally come to terms with hierarchies with a little essential footnote: must be hard to attain and easily toppled, as well as must be healthy for all beneath, first and foremost hierarchy must make sense or shouldn’t exist!

but ranting is not actually my intent right now.

i want to slow everything down, everything.  i seriously am not too sure about attending more school next semester.  i want to be self-taught, so i can quit having problems with the way my education is unfolding, with the inert results for massive (often unnecesary) productions on my part.

i want to feel that i exist again, which sounds strange but true.  i want to stop at the sentence that catches my eye and see where it leads me, instead of having to continue flying off in whatever direction that is “highly recommended.” and necessary to pass, it is becoming more than just passing through a class, though, i am passing right on through my freaking life.

i want to write real poety again.

i want to feel the presence of others.  i want to care about more than myself.  i want to develop with others, i want to learn from personal experience and primary sources, not from text books that summarize all i “need” to know about life and how to exist in society.  i want to become more than just that piece of paper framed and earned and paid in full on the wall.  i want to learn humility and detail again.

and fuck you, adam, for being right.  no, i freaking love you for being right.  and for having the ballsack to show not tell me how it is …

for making me want to listen … reminding me of myself over and over again … for being the few that tug my feet to the ground, while still pointing up at the sky …