so, yeah, what to do about this boy complex … it has been so long since any kind of connection in this area(one and half years, ouch, college puts everything on hold), and really, i don’t think i’ve ever had a relation with any boy past some immaturity wall i can never cross with them … listen to me, not my tits and ass and “personality you want to be dominated by” bullshit dammit … how does one get beyond this crap? and how does one have a no dependency attached relationship of freedom and trust and mutual friendship without all the weirdness? i am so green in this area i am realizing, and unfortunately even now, boys my age are either gay or too much little boys with toys they can’t keep out of their hands long enough to be real with you, gotta rack up that number and that trophy case … or look you in the eye without some superficial lust or arrogant assumption of all the predictable woman characteristics you might have, as if i should be so interesting just for them … not fart when i fuckin’ feel like it …
anyway, maybe i am generalizing to cover up some insecure fear of being attached in any way as of right now … is wanting one of your close friends (who, thank god, has a penis for once) something that shouldn’t be tampered with? is it possible to fool around and still be friends? or is this getting too close to the edge of it being too much? i suppose i will find out … this weekend …
it’s hard, when you are an uncommon mind, to find another who you feel can understand and appreciate you. the average are satisfied with each other, maybe. easily?
men/males/boys can’t help their lust…but perhaps these ones are too young. in soul or body, i don’t know. sounds like it.
tread carefully with your friend. and i don’t know if you can have both. but i think not. once a line is crossed, it is crossed, you know? not that i know which is best in your case, here.
obviously, we need to reach a certain place ourselves as well, before we can really make anything work with another. this is what i’ve found. what is that place? who knows. different for each? probably.
we all want to be wanted, appreciated. we all want to hang out and have fun. we all want to meld, melt, explore the physical realm of another, find the sensual connection between the I and you. i guess we have to find a situation where the trade-off does not take away from it.
a lot of words. sometimes they mean something.
hope things go well with your Friend With the Penis.