i don’t know if anyone else is going to care about this as much as i will, but i just figured out what “meta” means and i realized that in knowing this single word now, i can define how i think and why i have conflicts with switching back and forth between “thinking states,” so to speak.  i often talk in “meta,” which is just simply :

prefix meaning one level of description higher. If X is some
concept then meta-X is data about, or processes operating on,
X.

For example, a metasyntax is syntax for specifying syntax,
metalanguage is a language used to discuss language,
meta-data is data about data, and meta-reasoning is
reasoning about reasoning.

(taken from Dictionary.com, a most thorough online source for the mysteries of the english language)

yeah! happiness is definition … for now …

i would so rock if i took a linguistics or philosophy or psychology or creative writing class, but unfortunately all this (wave of hand denoting all madness/apophenia writing work in this journal and possibly elsewhere) is totally without teacher/professor/institutional education prodding. i have actually NEVER taken any of these classes, even in high school.  i don’t know if that is a good or bad thing.  it makes me more self-sufficient and self-motivated in my thoughts and writing because i know no one else is going to be, but at the same time i feel as if i am missing out doing all of this self-directed research/language composition. as in, maybe i could be learning more in this realms of thought, but cannot because i have other priorities <art>. and that takes up any and all time, both presently and in the fading horizon line future.

why the hell am i complaining?  it’s probably a good thing, because then i don’t have to go through all the bullshit lectures and “introductory” courses to get to the good stuff.  i don’t have to sit and argue with a teacher over why i think formatted writing bites ass and castrates writers.  i can just go to the library and read a book, saving lots of money and transportation time…