i am missing music making at present … my fingers itch to create … i WILL pick up the note lines and chords and let my intuition take me to these places … i will pick up the guitar again … this time with reverence instead of desperation …

last night when i sat, wide-eyed with wonder, at my friends’ house and their group dynamic was nothing more than purely open, evolving, and fascinating, i was stunned and inspired and wearily realizing how much i miss real interaction with people on this level … these hard, sharp lines of reality … when i reach out to touch their clothes and faces and breathe in their scents, i can feel them … i don’t need to desribe every detail to make it seem as if it was real … it is real … i picked up some drum sticks and Falla helped me play the drums for the first time in my life and i could feel these rhythms dance within me, getting the sense of it as if it had been waiting there for me to realize in myself for so long, and we played together and i watched others play together … the melodies changed as the beats progressed and morphed into lines of music that did not need to be structured or broken down. no one had to quick write down the chords to make it concrete, to keep it in a jar and pet as if it would be lost someday, any day, tomorrow… because there is always more to create, always more as one continues to develop, one learns from the other, compliments the other, listens intently to each other … it just makes me want to give more and obtain more so that this can be a never-ending cycle of give and receive for us all … to just be for once, living, breathing, changing humans without fear of each other …